Grieving the death of Matthew Langford Perry AKA my childhood.

Matthew Langford Perry

I wanted this blog to raise awareness, and document my discoveries in life. Whilst I was prepping some posts (because yes, as an ADHDer I struggle with management. I wanted this blog to be a regular activity for me because, occasionally I do fall into wanting my own space and then blanking out all my responsibilities!) I felt this post couldn’t wait. So here I am. (Yes I’m defo nervous about posting my first journal - please don’t judge. I’m scared as it is😅)

I think I’m at that age were i’m adjusting to being an adult and saying goodbye to my childhood/teenage years. Things are changing around me. People are getting married, people are buying houses, people are having babies and here I am deciding which burger to order for dinner. 

It was around 4ish years ago that my peers graduated university and then the pandemic happened, in a way life just paused. After hitting the play button, it's been all about self-discovery and finding my own place in the world. To say it has been a reality check would be an understatement. 

Do you ever look back at your childhood and remember the kind of kid you were? I remember being so bubbly, so happy and confident. I was the kind of kid who knew what I wanted and how to get it. I won’t lie, I feel like the world killed a part of that little girl or more like the world wasn’t easy to conquer as I once thought - (Don’t worry I still have plans to conquer all and that😂)

Friends was a big factor in my life because I watched it as a kid with my mum. When I got my first job, I was about 21 years old. I came home on the first day of work and played the first episode of friends. It was only then I really understood the jokes and related to the struggles of being in your 20s. I mean let’s be honest, as a kid I only understood Joey's obvious jokes (can you imagine how many jokes I finally picked up on and thought wow, this is seriously inappropriate for a child!)😂

When you’re in the process of transitioning into your adulthood, the death of one of your favourite tv characters is a nail in the coffin. So no, like most of you, I didn’t know Perry in person and I can't grieve for someone I didn’t know. I'm grieving everything Perry/Chandler stood for. I'm grieving my very personal memories linked to Friends. It's the comfort the program gave me as a child and as a teenager, even if it was just playing in the background. (Yes, I definitely have gone through countless reruns throughout the years.) You find yourself pretty much relating to everything. Yes, they are fictional characters but they somehow felt like my real friends. As I heard from a woman on Tiktok (no I can't remember the account), Matthew Perry aka Chandler was literally always sitting in our living rooms... how can we not mourn such a person? I guess the sudden death of Perry was a huge hit to my growing self and it’s got me thinking about where I want to be in life. 

In honour of Perry, I thought it would make me a great samaritan if I brought awareness to the fact that it wasn’t friends that he wanted to be remembered for. It was his journey of addiction and healing. I leave you with a quote from Perry himself:

“I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I’m still working through it personally, but the best thing about me is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, ‘will you help me?” I will always say ’yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can’t always do it for myself’. So I do that, whenever I can, In groups, or one on one. 

And I created the Perry House in Malibu, a sober living facility for men. I also wrote my play The End of Longing, which is a personal message to the world, an exaggerated form of me as a drunk. I had something important to say to people like me, and to people who love people like me. 

When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I’m glad of that, happy I’ve done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web…

but when I die, as far as my so called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. 

I know that won’t happen, but it would be nice.’

Mathew Langford Perry

(August 19 1969 - October 28 2023) 

Unfortunately, I haven't managed to read his autobiography. My mum and I attempted to order it online and of course, it was sold out. Rumour has it, Perry wrote a chapter in his book and referenced that if he was ever in trouble, he would use the word 'batman'. Behold, his last few Instagram posts all referenced 'batman'. In particular, his second to last post reads “Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you? - I’m Mattman”.

It does have me wondering... did we all miss a sign? Was Perry calling out for help? If he was, then that's absolutely heartbreaking.

On a side note, does anyone ever remember that episode where Mr Heckles dies and Chandler freaks out that being alone like Mr Heckles is what his future might entail? Why am I seeing that episode as Perry’s Fate… Yes I’m crying and my heart’s sinking because life just sucks at times! 

My most relatable Chandler quote which describes me perfectly is:

“Hi, I'm Chandler. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.” -  Friends